You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
