You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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