some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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