Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
