he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just want to make out with him forever
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
