I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
