After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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