Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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