so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
