Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
