I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
