4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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