Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
