If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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