would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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