Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
