he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
