Is it normal to miss your booty call?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
