I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
