so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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