You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
