Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize