note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
