You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
