They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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