That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
