our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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