I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
