What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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