hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
