The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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