Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
