i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
