No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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