im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
