Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
