gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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