Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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