You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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