my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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