From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
a search helicopter?!
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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