I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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