hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
FUCK WHALES
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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