I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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