I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
