"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
