you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
