I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
