I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
