Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
