How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
