Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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