You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize