a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
