I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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