last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
