idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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