I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
