Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
