shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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