It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
