A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
