my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
