My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
