we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
