the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The uberlube is also flammable
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
