i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There r osticjed everywhere
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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