I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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