just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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