I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
