Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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