Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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