I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
