I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
