"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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